Suburban Monk

The Perfect Gift

Ben — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 22:07:21 +0000

Everyone wants the perfect present. Some of us have never received one. The perfect present does 2 things:

It communicates to the receiver that they are understood. Someone understands what they like, what they don’t like, you understand what makes them tick. Someone understands how they are unique and different. While a Starbucks gift card is useful, it’s the type of thing that would fit for 100 different people. The perfect present let’s someone know that they are not like the other 99 people.
It let’s the receiver know that they are valuable. The reason is that a good present costs something. It doesn’t need to be a lot of money but this does not mean that it is cheap. Sometimes it takes time. It always involves risk. Because a good present can not be reciprocated. This means that it takes a certain amount of vulnerability. This is what it means to sacrifice.

So, if you’re looking to find the perfect gift for someone try and understand the person. And then be prepared to make a sacrifice. There’s no shortcuts to the perfect gift.

And if you’re looking for an illustration, look at the story of Jesus. It’s such a weird story but matches the description of a perfect gift. (I swear this isn’t a trick sermon illustration. I was thinking about what makes a perfect gift and then realized the correlation.)

He became man and communicated to us that we are understood. There is no pain that is emotional or physical that the God-man could not relate to. There are a lot of ways that Jesus could have appeared but he showed up in a way that communicated “Hey LOOK, I understand YOU”.
In the midst of this context he let us know that we are valued. More valuable in fact than his human life or comfort. He died for us making his life the gift. But it was a custom one. A human one. Not a starbucks gift card.

You wear the ring…

Ben — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 13:43:50 +0000

When you become appointed to a new position it comes with a new aura of attained confidence that you didn’t have the day before. It could be a promotion to team lead, manager, or CEO. You have been validated. What you say now matters especially to people that are underneath you. You may be more likely to voice an opinion now. You have a bigger reputation to protect. If you are a son or daughter of the King you have HIS ring on your finger. We have been given the authority to speak love on HIS behalf. The Creator of the Universe has given us the authority to wield his grace to all of his Creation. I guess sometime while we were sleeping we were promoted. Why don’t we believe this? How would we act if we did?

Savage Love

Ben — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:36:02 +0000

Been starting to think that the biblical response to your spouse sinning against you or your family is to embrace her, lock lips, and make out with her. Not just with your body but with your heart. To fully accept and approve of her, not for what she has done, but for what God has done. It’s not a passive compliance. It’s a savage love. This savage love is the only thing that actually has the ability to break someone. To make them warm. To melt away the hardness. Wielding a weapon like love is the only thing that has the ability to create a true revolution.

Hardcore Bob

Ben — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 19:13:15 +0000

The other day I was hanging out with my friend Hardcore Bob. He asked me how I was doing. I had to think about it because you don’t just mindlessly say “great” to Hardcore Bob. I ended up telling him that I’ve been frustrated and depressed because I had experienced a month of being on a spiritual high and now things were back to normal. For a month I had seemed untouchable and connected. Now I was back in the grind. In fact it seems like it would have been better if I never experienced the high because now I knew what I was missing. He said, “Well, I figure that’s why Jesus said that we were supposed to ask for our daily bread.” I don’t think Hardcore Bob could have put it any simpler. I guess God will never put an experience in my life that allows me to coast or depend on anything but Him anything less than daily.

Changing my Mind

Ben — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 07:02:25 +0000

The other day I was heading out to Starbucks to get some work done. Almost every time I leave one of the kids asks me if they can come. I decided that it didn’t make sense because I was in a rush and didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with another small creature so I was prepared to say “no”. Memory asked me at the top of the stairs if she could come and I said “no”. She asked “why not?” and I said “because.” As I was putting my shoes on she said “pleeeeeeeeeease!”. I said “no” again. This is not a very hard thing to do since I’ve had a lot of practice. Finally, as I was getting in the van she asked one last time. I said “no” for the third time. I backed the van out of the driveway and as I was driving away I saw her waving bye to me from the front yard. I couldn’t handle it. I put the car in reverse and had her hop in the front seat. Driving down the hill I was trying to figure out how this happened and I got to thinking about those weird passages in the Bible when God changes his mind. People have different ways to explain it but for the first time I felt like maybe I understood it a tiny bit. A part of me wanted Memory to stop asking. It didn’t make sense to take her and it was annoying to get the same question repeatedly. But evidently a bigger part of me wanted her to want to be with me. I’ve come to believe in a God that wants us to want him. He doesn’t seem to mind us being impolite and annoying. He wants it so bad that he may change his mind.

Spend it All

Ben — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 16:44:27 +0000

Imagine that your Father gives you a credit card and says “spend it all”. I don’t want to see any of it left when I get back. Then you found out that the card has an unlimited balance. You actually can’t spend it all. You have unlimited resources. How would you spend? Stinginess and calculated decisions would go out the door. You wouldn’t have to decide between A and B. You could chose both. In a very real way this is how our Father tells us to dispense love. I’ve given you plenty. More than you could ever hold on to for yourself. You can love your neighbor, you can forgive 70 X 7, there’s enough for homosexuals*, rapists, the neighbor who’s dog craps in your yard, and also enough for the relative or friend that has betrayed you. And “I don’t want to see any of it when I get back”. But instead we like to pull out our personal debit card. With a limited balance and we’re always afraid to overdraw it. We’re very “wise” in how we chose to spend it. We’re frugal. We love the lovable.

Next time you’re presented with an opportunity to love, love like there’s an unlimited balance. Because there is.

*I do not think homsexuality OR rape falls on any worse spectrum of sin but know many people that do.

Boxcar Children

Ben — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 21:05:43 +0000

My daughter recently told me that she get’s “annoyed” when reading the boxcar children because she continues to read through the series but the kids never get in trouble. She said that the kids are “always perfect.” It reminded me of church. It’s fun at first. People seem better. There’s things to learn from those who have chosen the “higher” road and it can be inspirational…for a while. But it catches up, when we realize that what we see on the outside of others never really matches what we knows lies inside of us. I find myself trying to be a hero by only showing my good side. And while it may be inspirational to my daughter for a while, someday she’ll get annoyed at me too.

Ben #1 and Ben #2

Ben — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 18:54:40 +0000

Ben #1 is: successful in business, generally happy, does not struggle with much, is not insecure, is not afraid, is confident, feels loved all the time, a hero, at his worst not very bad.

Ben #2 is: scared sometimes, does things that if people knew about, thinks that he would not be loved in the same way, feels unloved and is insecure, thinks things that are so bad no one else probably thinks them, tells lies, sometimes just wants to surf the internet ALL day, feels like his faith is a joke, thinks that most “sins” especially the worst ones actually sound pretty fun.

My life is split into two main personalities. The one that I show others and the one that I keep to myself. This is compounded by my upbringing in christian communities where there was an incredible pressure to have it together. If you didn’t have it together acting like you did seemed to suffice.

I don’t have it together. And the more I come to understand humanity and the gospel there’s a strange phenomenon that would indicate that since Adam and Eve there’s a pretty common sentiment that everyone is afraid of being fully known…of having the fig leaves removed. In other words, none of us actually feel that in our heart of hearts we have it together. So, we create Ben #1 and Ben #2. I have decided that I want there to be one Ben. One Ben for my community and one Ben that I present to God. I think He only sees one Ben. If it’s good enough for Him maybe it should be good enough for me.

Trust

Ben — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 20:58:40 +0000

In Mark 5 a man named Jarius comes to Jesus to request healing for his daughter who is on death’s bed. But Jesus was delayed and the news came that the girl had died. Jesus looked at the man and said “Trust me.” In our lives God calls us to give things up. It could be a habit, an item, something good, something bad. At that time we ask “For how long?”, “Why?”, “Will I get it back?” In terms of a relationship, the greatest evil is not that we would chose not to give something up. The greatest evil is that we believe that we care more for ourselves than Jesus does. When Jesus shows up to the girls house he is mocked by laughter and then he tells the girl to “wake up.” Jarius came seeking a healing. He got a resurrection. When we go to Jesus, we will both give TO and get FROM Him far more than we could have ever imagined.